Not sure what to call it...

Brief background story... there was this guy I had an interest in a couple months ago and my interest just dropped oneday. lol btw, he wasnt interested either... atleast I think he wasnt. Yet, I still get this urge to see how he is doing!?! and I actually message him or whatever just to know how he is doing... lol its so weird!!! Its like this force that wont leave me alone unless I make sure hes doing ok but, I dont have any particular feelings for him... get it?? lol I dont get it. I've never had a reason to worry about him or anything so its very odd to me that I get that urge to make sure he's ok... Maybe along the side of trust rehab, I also need anti-caring rehab... I need to learn to not let small things bother me... lol like I have OCD on making sure people are ok in general lol... My ex and I got into this huge arguement one time and didnt talk for a week... lol and I randomly called him to make sure he wuz ok... even though I was supposed to be mad. Thats the shit Im talking about, Why do I do those things?? Or like this other time, I was mad at one of my platonic friends and we didnt talk for a while but, oneday I didnt like something his away message said and I messaged him asking him if everything was ok with him... the list goes on and on and on. Why do I care so much about people? and how do I stop so I can prevent myself from looking like captain dumbass?? lol

Life Of CreativeQT: Ch 2 "Express yourself - does not compute."

I have a hard time expressing myself... when I do, I either overly express myself which comes off way stronger than I actually feel or... I just dont express myself. I dont know when that happened either... maybe its because I was born right before the mass production of communicative electronics yet still, at elementary age and partial middle school age... only way I knew to communicate was a telephone. Now we have aim, texting, emails, myspace, twitter, facebook, blah blah blah. De-humanizing seems to be our newest fad... other than "jerking"... so we jerk and de-humanize. lol Hahaha I got a vision of when this dude was doin the reject next to the jacuzzi at this pool party and was drunk enough to fall in lol... it would be funny if u were there to see it... I know how to express anger...["You dumb ass *beep* *beep* *beep* and I *beep* *beep*..."] sounds like Juelz Santanas verse on Rockin that thang remix haha! and I noticed that with every emotion, I end up crying... well I have never been so happy that I cried but, the negative emotions... yea... but I wont express how Im feeling. I'll simply just not talk to the person who made me feel this way... I guess with both chapters you can just call me distant... lol but, I do have good qualities!!! lol Well this is getting boring...

Life Of CreativeQT: Ch. 1 "trust rehab"

"ok so My name is ____________ ____________ and I am an untrustaholic."

Its true... the only guy(not related) that I trust has known me for almost 9 years(shout outs to my bestfriend!!). Blame it on the broken home thing if u want, most people do. I dont think everyone needs a father though(thats yet another blog to explain)and my lovely Mumishka is plenty of father/mother for me! Maybe I'll change mumishka to mad... or dom...(mom and dad together for the simpletons lol)*cough* back to the story... so yea, there is this whole trust thing with me and it extremely funny because you will tell me something and swear I believed you and I dont. I like to sit back and listen because when you do that, you notice people often contradict themselves... lol I've tried trusting other people... but the feeling you feel when that person you tried to trust is unloyal gives you a lonely feeling, or atleast thats how I feel... but, hey I'm one of the looney ones so... not everyone feels what I feel. Its mostly men that I have a hard time trusting and then when they get partially through my guard... YOU GUESSED IT!! The mess it up for themselves, and I warn them in the beginning about it as well. lol some people just like to play with fire eh? Chicks... dont really trust them in the first place... not being cliche... chicks where Im from are all about themselves and getting a dude with money, flashy cars, etc... aka the "make this dude wife me then, hit him up for alimony, aka all his money, if he messes up." I cant fathom the idea off of living off of someone elses hard work without contributing, except to look pretty. Dont get me wrong... the females I consider friends, are the type of friends I would die for... so dont think Im just like f*ck chicks... well, I dont really care what u think... unless ur one of those female friends I would die for, dont want u to think I just dont care. lol but, the females I am friends with have the same mentality I do, "If you want to be rich, get your OWN!" but...Im going on a tangent lol... isnt that a geometry thing? tangent... lol ok Im back on trust! I dont know when the untrusting started but, my guard ended up being wayyyyyy up there, which is sometimes a good thing and sometimes bad. Guys always give me the same line "You're going to have to try to trust me." If trusting was an effort thing, I would be more trusting but, its one of those things like love... you cant control it unless you take the right moves and make the right choices. So with that being said, trust no one unless they earn it... if they seem funky, chances are.... they are. :-)

Visiting hours at Creative Rehabilitation Center are over.

Live. Love. Laugh. Learn.: The love and learn part

What is it about that 1 special person who you find yourself inseparable(did I just make that word up?) from? Its like, that person pisses you off, hurts you more than most, says some f**ked up stuff... and they still are the one who makes you feel... dare I say it... vulnerable. Not that Creativeqt is capable of being in love...(shes not)...*stops to sip my dragonfruit slurpee on this ole death valley ass day..err.. night.* but, I dont understand this feeling. I agree with you old folks, Im too young to love, too young to have babehz, too young to make all the decisions for myself... but explain to me why I feel the way I do? My own brain says no children without you old folks telling me, I know I still f**k up like 40% of the time but, if Im 20 and too young to understand "love" then, how do I feel this feeling? He doesnt just make me tingle in the zones or say really sweet things that i want to hear. Hell, half the time, he says the opposite of what I want to hear... but I cant deny that for the most part I have been told the truth, Whether its him lying then coming back and telling the truth or just being honest from the beginning. He is one of the few things in my life with no hidden fees, and I digg that. Cant add relationship to my life at the moment but, I thought I would get that off my chest to the blog world... even if no one reads this, I said it out in the open and I feel better about expressing my thoughts( creativeqt is learning to express herself... next blog will explain that if I decide to write another one.)

random. thoughtz. documented.

so getting a car isnt as easy as I thought

Me:" hey mr.dealership guy! I have x amount of money, can you show me the cars in my price range?"

Mr.DG: "Sure! no problem! Just give me your name, address, social, age, age in 260 years, age your first tooth came in, times you have puked, days you have missed in school since kindergarten, days you have missed since you have entered the work force, references, references for your references and D.O.B"

Me: " but, I have cash... why do you need all that info?"

Mr.DG: "oh because blahblahblah blah blah shit stains, blah blah blah blah turkey necks, blah blah blah blah. But if you show me your tits, I'll give you the car for $3000 off."

WHAT THE FUCKIN FUCK??? Can I report this dude or something?? Does everything I want revolve around sex?? Its like, dumb big boobed chicks have made shit very difficult for me... doesnt matter if I have a brain... as long as I can have cleavage... Im set for life...

1st blog dedicated to Charles Hamilton...

ha... I dont even know what to say anymore... the fact that you could possibly come across this scares me. Lets start off with you being like...the hottest dude on the planet to me. Thank God, Allah, Buddha and ur Parents for making you... lol but for real, dudes madd talented!(yea cali girl saying madd... blame devon!) ANYONE who comes across my blog should youtube Charles Hamilton... gosh, just saying ur name makes me drool!!!!!!!!(kidding! Im not a psycho... except on the weekend of course lol) and if I knew how to post a video to my blog, I would... until then... everyone knows youtube...

http://www.youtube.com/
search: Charles Hamilton

:-)